I also think it is interesting that all of the marks are being created by the female on a male body. He is submissive to her in this position. While the marks reflect the internal structure of his body, they are surprisingly feminine and curvy. They become an androgynous couple. For the first time I find myself curious about how my mark-making language which change if I was responding to a male body instead of my own.

This is my Mom and Aunt at a Pow Wow. Great photo even with the blown out whites.

I need to stop acting like school is already over. Wish me luck.

Sometimes I forget how spending time outside in the sun can make any day better.

Graduation is 5 weeks from tomorrow and school is over one week earlier. Needless to say, Senior Thesis is starting to slow down a bit for me. Instead of producing new photographs till the end of the semester, I am carefully going through all of the pictures from the past two years and curating what I want to put in the Senior Show. I’m interested in how old photographs grouped with my new work may change the meaning due to the context and grouping of the photographs- the relationships of the images. I am also experimenting with different ways of display. Everything has intent.

My professional portfolio is due tomorrow. Here is the cover image I used. These are also the images on my business cards for the moment.

Studio set up on March 8. An image of the other wall is located on flickr. The arrangement has already changed a little bit but this is basically all of the work that was discussed with Rjyan and will also be what I continue to show people as I invite them into my studio. The selection shows the progression of work and the different approaches I’ve been using as I develop my language. I hope to have a critique with Kristine Woods and Piper Shepard in the near future. Both are fibers professors that I worked with during my junior year and have had a strong role in nurturing my work’s development.

Rjyan Kidwell, originally uploaded by frankie two thumbs.

In response to the school shootings and lack of media coverage, Rjyan wrote a blog post a couple weeks ago trying to rally young artists to create real art, confronting issues that are so commonly avoided in mass denial, to foster cultural change. Having similar goals with my work I felt compelled to ask him for a critique. He agreed and visited my studio on Sunday. I didn’t take notes because I really wanted to make sure I was in the moment. Needless to say I was also nervous enough that holding a pen would have just made my shaking hand more evident.

Here is everything I currently remember.

• - brought up the idea that people can look at this, be inspired and actually have the ability to go home and do it themselves. allows a certain level of accessibility.
• - the photographs are me. not just for school, but looking at them he knows he is looking at me, my image, my creation even if I’m not the one in the photograph. it is my story and it is obvious that it is important to me.
• - extremely sophisticated in comparison to the current trend of cutting, scarification. refreshing.
• - the more ambiguous the image is, the more it stings the viewer. the more trapped they are looking at it. trying to figure out what part of the body they are looking at. what the material is. it’s messy and entangled.
• - ambiguity also works because we are so used to seeing images that instantly tell us what they are in an effort to sell us something.
• - when more of my body is visible or it is apparent that we are looking at a wrist it becomes easier for the viewer to make an automatic dismissal of the image.
• - asking for a video, for me to tone it down, a demonstration . . . can all be considered manifestations of the viewer’s own denial. they need me to walk them through it, to help them understand why i would do this to myself.
• - if people can’t say anything about my work, it is a good thing. it means i’m being affective. it also means that i am being successful enough that people can’t say anything bad just to make themselves feel better.
• - freak people out now. this is when i have the audience (classmates) that have to look at my work.
• - know that more doesn’t mean a linear progression from the beginning, it just means the same idea with more. know that it’s more and also think about what it would be to do less.
• - we’ll always be afraid until we do confront it, so why not confront it on our own terms? it will creep up on us later and just be worse.

MS is something a lot of people cannot see because most of the time this disease shows no symptoms on the outside. This makes it very difficult for other people to understand. When people look at me they do not see the pain and misery that I go through. They think that because you look okay that you feel okay. So much of this is my brain telling my body how to feel and how to think and cannot be controlled by meds or therapy. It makes me feel helpless to know that I have tried every medicine available and that none of them have worked. The doctors tell me that something should come soon that I can try again but being sick and playing a guessing game on how I will feel that day takes a toll on you. From my skin constantly feeling like it is being stuck with thousands of pins all over to my skin pulling so tight that it feels like it is being stretched like a deer hide.

People take little things for granted that I have to struggle with every day. Not being able to comb my hair cause it makes me cry because of the pain. Not being able to style my hair because my arms become weak and feel like rubber and give out. I cannot wear sunglasses when it is sunny, hats when it is cold, or sometimes a ponytail because even when you take them off they leave a pressure feeling on my head which I can still feel hours later. I cannot open jars. I cannot squeeze shampoo bottles. I have troubles concentrating. My memory is being affected. I can’t remember where I put things. I can’t remember people’s names when you pass them at the store. Sometimes I just forget completely what I am doing.

This is a disease of frustration. It makes me depressed. It makes me cry. It makes me just want to curl into a ball and fall asleep but knowing that I may wake up and fall flat on my face or not may be able to see and be worse off than when I closed my eyes is frightening. Until they come up with something to help me I just have to live life minute by minute and hope that I can function.

My cousin in 1983.

im or email me.

I created a sequential series of five images. I have been thinking about them as pages to unbound book and sewed a folder together to house them using the same sinew. Each photo has acrylic paint, embroidered sinew and scratches from the knife. In the process of creating these photos I also wrote five lines of text but I’m still unsure about including them with the finished piece.

This weekend seemed to be quite an emotional one for a lot of people that I know. It was dramatic in both good ways and bad. As I was adapting to each friend, I realized that while that while sadness and happiness can be considered polar opposites one thing remains the same, both deserve very large hugs. I hope that whatever the past week has brought you, that this will brighten your Monday at least a little. I introduce you to the first installment of Hug Mail. A special thank you to Chris and Karly Fae for inspiring.

Much love,
Michelle

http://www.wikihow.com/Hug

((this first image has already been deleted from it’s original source- it was a picture of a guy with a sign for free hugs))

Once the pomegranate was wrapped I put it in the fridge overnight, and let it sit on the counter for a couple of hours before removing the sinew, documenting the cuts, opening the pomegranate, documenting the bruises and one again wrapping sections of the fruit.

More from day one.
More from day two.

After drawing on the body for a semester I enrolled in some sculpture classes to continue my studies. Rather than just drawing on the surface of my skin, I wanted to find a way to imprint patterns to create a map. This lead me to begin tying or wrapping materials to my body. As I worked the process of wrapping and releasing my body afterwards became incredibly important.

I am beginning to experiment with the way in which I am presenting the photographs as another way to emphasize process and pull away from the sexual interpretations. For my first critique of the work I printed out 16 pictures on the same piece of paper. Each photo is 4″ x 4″ and is placed in a 4 x 4 grid with a .5″ space in between. I feel like the grid is successful in my goal of removing the sexuality but as one teacher pointed out, the grid also makes the photographs about formal aspects rather than the emotion or process.

http://flickr.com/photos/ktp/450562056/

http://flickr.com/photos/godwhispers/1460482094/

http://flickr.com/photos/romanlily/1477025/

http://flickr.com/photos/87695861@N00/250006899/

Also found at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pomegranate

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pomegranate

Found at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pomegranate

In comparison to my older work I am trying to remove the levels of sexuality that people consistently find in this work. After taking an 8 month break from photographing my body, I am trying to really focus on the process of wrapping and redefining the body. I am manipulating the figure to the point that the body part becomes unidentifiable though it is undeniably flesh. Discovering sinew at my Uncle’s house has served as a huge inspiration for returning to my photographs. The sybolism of the deer is incredibly important in my work and life.

The whole set can be viewed here.